Sarah Tan – Personal Development

10 Tips To Help You Start Taking Control with Positive Thinking.

At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us to manage those challenges and move forward.

Positive thinking will help people with ADD to better concentrate on their accomplishments and strengths, giving them more motivation and joy in life. It will help in better using your time to work on making progress, rather than feeling discouraged and helpless. The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns :

1. Take Good Care of Yourself

When you take good care of yourself by eating healthy, exercising and getting adequate rest, it is much easier to be positive.

2. Make a List of the Things You are Grateful for in Life

When you take the time to remember some of the things that are good in your life, then stress from the challenges you face are not as difficult. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Don’t give in to ’making assumptions’, but instead discipline your mind to look for proof or actual facts.

A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. For instance, if you are worried or fearful that someone is in a bad mood because of something you did, or that people are secretly gossiping behind your back about you, then you should ask them if it is true or not. Don’t waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes

Have you ever told a partner “You’re ALWAYS late” or complained to a friend “You NEVER call me”. Thinking and speaking in absolutes like “always” and “never”, makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Get Rid of ALL Negative Thoughts that cause Anxiety

Our thoughts determine the way we live and therefore you need to discern them and discipline yourself to overcome negative thinking. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, recognize it for what it really is and don’t follow it.

6. Squash the “ANTs”

In his book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” Dr. Daniel Amen talks about “ANTs” – Automatic Negative Thoughts.

These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like “Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me” or “The boss wants to see me, it must be bad”! When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Begin to show your family and friends positive physical contact with a hug, smile, pat on the back or welcoming handshake.

You don’t have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Showing positive physical contact with your family and friends and even your pets, is a great ’feel good’ interaction, one that we all need in life. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. Her tips were noticeably higher from the ones she touched, then from the customers she did not touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity

Loneliness feeds on negative thinking and one way to combat it, is by increasing social activity in your life. Find people you can be with that are happy and positive in their outlook on life, then you will notice how very contagious that sort of thinking can be.

9. Be Involved with Helping Other People or Volunteer in an Organization

Once you help other people that are hurting, you will also help yourself, because you will feel good inside knowing you helped to make a positive difference in someone’s life. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. You may have heard it said, ’Give and it shall be given’, this is a true saying and the more positive energy you put in the world, the more you will get back.

10. Have a New Thought Pattern to Fight Against Depressing Thoughts.

A great way to stop thinking unconstructive thoughts is to interrupt the pattern by forcing yourself to begin thinking and doing something completely different. Begin to change your old thinking patterns of focusing on the negative. That way of thinking is never productive, but only leads to stress and unnecessary anxiety. Try changing your physical environment – go for a walk or sit outside. Or, you could call a friend, turn on some music or look at a magazine.

Find sayings, scripture verses or quotes that will help motivate you to remain positive in your thinking, the following are some of my favorites: Oprah Winfrey – “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.” “Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours” – A Swedish Proverb

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My mother had always been a superstitious person. She always thought that whenever she made fun of something, it would happen to us. For example, when she was younger, she laughed at a person who was pimply-faced. My brother and I grew up with bad acne, and we were on medication for years. She felt it was her fault and kept blaming herself.

There was another occasion, when pop rings were introduced. One of her students licked a lollipop that was placed on a plastic ring, and she was quite irritated with her. When she came home that very day, she saw my brother and I doing the same thing. She was always puzzled why such things would happen even though she really hated them. Well, she might be on to something. That was the Law of Attraction.

When you have either positive thoughts or negative thoughts, the brain waves will transmit them to the other party. When there are enough of them, they will influence the other parties. If you are extremely close to someone, you can know what they are thinking. That’s because they will be sending out some kind of signals, and your brain waves are in sync with each other.

I have mentioned this before, about how I dealt with the difficult clients. I was in the middle of my work when the clerk came running to me, saying one client had come unannounced and he was being very insistent that he had to see me. He claimed that he had been working a few days without much sleep and he had no other time to meet me. This was the same person I spoke to the other time over the phone, and it was not a pleasant experience. So, I decided to use what I preach, and tried to think positive thoughts, that the meeting would go on smoothly. I would get the other party to see my point. I also decided to smile and block out other thoughts that could make the meeting unsuccessful.

To my expectations, the client was not as bad as I thought. I had heard horror stories of how he had lost his temper badly before, but he was alright. We talked, and he was able to open up. In fact, he asked whether I would continue to be on his case next year. I felt bad at saying something that might change, since I was considering a career change, but since nothing was confirmed, I told him that I would continue to be if there were no other changes. It was not a real answer, but he was satisfied. When he left, he even said that I was caring and helpful. Coming from someone who had felt the organisation was against him, the words carried weight.

Unfortunately, when I met with two other clients later, tears became the norm. We were sitting outside at the reception area. I met with the first group of clients there. One of them broke down and cried. She was sitting at this particular seat that was facing the greenery. After the longest time, the two left.

I had two other groups of clients waiting, and they could see what was going on. I made a mistake of getting the next client to sit at the same place, and all the negativity was still in the air. Everything went on smoothly, when suddenly, the lady sitting in the same seat as the former client opened up to me about her personal situation, and started crying. Within half an hour, I had at least two people crying.

I decided that the negativity was enough for the day, and I had to make some switches. The last party who had seen everything was sitting beside us, so I switched over when the lady left, and I changed position. The stuff we had to talk about was similar, as they had their emotional baggage and pain, but at least I tried to inject more positive thinking.

My mother knows something about how thinking affects situations, but she pinned it down to superstition. It is actually more of the Law of Attraction.
 

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I put in 14 hours for two days running at work, and I was really tired out by the end of it. We had to meet people and relay the performances of their charges to them. Some of them were quite friendly, while others were quite demanding, by saying the fault lay with us when they should be the ones who take responsibilities.

On yesterday’s afternoon, I had to make calls to a few people to check whether they were turning up for the session at night. One of them was rather antagonistic and I started to feel all the negative vibes. I forced myself to keep smiling so that the person would calm down. Towards the end, it ended on an ok note, though he did not turn up at night.

After receiving so much negative vibes, I continued to make another call. This was a mistake I made. By bringing all the negative feelings from the other caller, I had inadvertently caused the next caller to pick up all the negative vibes and it simply triggered off from her an outpouring of frustrations and complaints on our side. She only had a few points to talk about, and each point she repeated at least 10 times using the same phrases. The accusations were mainly directed at other staff, but she still heaped all those things on me. I should have learnt better managing skills in such as telling her that it was not right make such accusations on everyone, or learning the 80/20 rule where the worst customers should be dropped.

What I did was to continue to let her pour out her grievances, and just show her that I was listening. However, I decided I had to take charge of the conversation. I decided to change my negative vibes and try to think positive thoughts that the conversation will end well. I also remembered my friend and ex-colleague telling me that when people complain, they want something to be done. So as the person in authority, we should come up with a plan to help them resolve their issues. I also came up with a strategy for better monitoring and she accepted it.

Finally, after 40 minutes of her mainly making 4 points, I could put the phone down. It was much later my colleague came to me and told me that the same lady had bombarded her for one and half hours on the same issues and she even revealed something more shocking. I totally agree with Jeanette of Good Vibe Blog, that when we persist, they resist. It’s really the Law Of Attraction.

When I checked the list of people I wanted to see, one of my supervisors came to tell me that one particular lady would talk for extremely long and could be quite difficult to handle as she wanted step-by-step explanations on every single thing. Immediately, I channelled the negative thoughts again, and when I asked my colleague who used to handle her, he told me the same thing and how careful I had to be.

I was a little affected by the two negative calls, and what my colleagues told me but I decided not to concentrate on such negativity. I decided to think how easy and quickly the meeting with her and others will go. I started thinking about how smooth the process will be, and how on time we will finish the discussions.

Hence, I used my secret weapon and just smiled and smiled. I also kept those waiting to see us happy by showing pictures of their charges and other activities. The difficult person did not turn up, and the lady I thought would take extremely long was actually quite reasonable and we finished on a good note. I had also brought up something good about her charge and she was so happy about it. So I guess focussing on positive things worked.

My supervisor who said something about “We will Survive” instead of “We will Excel”, our usual slogan, and she really channelled the negative vibes was still talking to clients when I left. The other colleague who told me how to handle that “difficult” client ended up spending more time there than anticipated. And I was actually the first one to leave. When I looked at the other meeting rooms, there were still many clients inside there milling around, and when I finally left my workroom, these people were not back yet. Positive thinking really works!

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One of the papers mentioned a trader crying his heart out with news of possible recession in US. Some of the magazines already suggest that the US is already in the midst of a recession. Whatever the case is, those who had just lost a great deal of money may be unable to take the pressure.

For those with existing heart conditions, they may require some external device, ICD Implant, to help them, just in case their hearts stop. The device will deliver electrical pulse to the heart to get it going. This certainly beats waiting for people to rescue you. Despite calls for having heart defibrillator in buildings, legislation will take a long time to be passed.

It is important more important for people with pre-existing illnesses to strive for positive thinking. It is useless worrying about things that are not within your control.

This post is brought to you by InsideCardiaArrest.com.

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In The Next Internet Millionaire episode 5, I was struck by a point that was made. Let me paraphrase it: Why is a bush with so many thorns and just a few roses known as a rose bush and not a thorn bush? I am amazed by this simple question about positive thinking. People should look at the beauty of things and apply that technique to their lives instead of constantly dwelling on the hurt and ugliness of things around us.

There are many events that may make us feel demoralised, but our response to that should be to see the beauty that event brings. There may be new opportunities that spring up when we think something bad has happened. There is a saying that misery loves company, but I think that the opposite is true too. People may bond over setbacks, but after a certain point, it gets too much to bear. Conversely, happy people become happier when they are together and the self-confidence they have will just rub off other people.

We can choose to see what we want: a half-filled glass of water, or a half-empty glass of water. I have never really understood the power of positive thinking, until in recent years when I started to spend more time reading about motivation and positive thinking.

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I’m someone who strongly believes in learning from others. Many people had gone through the some problems as us, and many more faced worse tribulations in life. However, what makes these people different from us is their ability to bounce back from their failures and become extremely successful. It has to do with their mindset. Positive thinking is something that I am working hard towards.

In this website, I share whatever powerful messages I’ve learnt from books, workshops and other sources. I may not be an expert at everything yet, but I believe that with time, I will be able to achieve great success in whatever I am passionate about. This website also serves as a reminded of what I’ve learnt. The person who learns the most is the person who teaches the lessons. Hence, I hope that whatever I say here will be useful to others, and at the same time guide me to greater heights in personal development.

To find out more on how I started in personal development, do read that article.

Sarah Tan

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