Scrambling Negative Experiences

For the past few months, I had been seriously contemplating a career switch, or at the worst case scenario, I’ll just stay at home and do my own stuff. I had been feeling very stressed at work, and I did not look forward to going to work. I would cry when I drive to work, but after reading Awaken The Giant Within by Anthony Robbins, I decided to do something about it.

To get rid of negative thoughts, play the scenes where you feel really lousy about yourself. See those experiences like a movie. It could be that of a bad breakup, or your boss scolding you, or any experiences that you have extremely negative vibes about.

After that, replay the scenes backwards at extra fast speed. Distort the scenes and make one person’s head big, or if someone had said something nasty, watch how they swallow their words and imagine the words rushing out from the years like steam. If someone had been nasty, imagine their faces being distorted, or their ears growing till Dumbo’s size. Make the faces green or purple. Then, fast forward the movie, and then backwards many times, until the entire negative experiences become cartoonish and laughable. Add your favourite cartoon’s funny sounds or soundtrack with as much exaggeration and humour.

If you can do this effectively, whatever that has been affecting you for years will no longer affect you. You have broken the pattern of associating such images to pain. Instead, you will see such situations differently.

I tried that, and while I cannot say whether it is hundred percent successful, I already feel so much better about going to work, and even though the workload is still very heavy, I’m actually enjoying myself. I still have some way to go before I resolve my issues about my career path, but for now, I am feeling way better than I did a few months back.

By doing this, you get to break the negative thought pattern. You scramble the sensations. Try it and let me know in your comments. It could be about your phobia towards creatures such as cockroaches and lizards, or an unhappy relationship, or fears about public speaking.

How To Get Emotionally Charged People To Listen To You

My mother had always been a superstitious person. She always thought that whenever she made fun of something, it would happen to us. For example, when she was younger, she laughed at a person who was pimply-faced. My brother and I grew up with bad acne, and we were on medication for years. She felt it was her fault and kept blaming herself.

There was another occasion, when pop rings were introduced. One of her students licked a lollipop that was placed on a plastic ring, and she was quite irritated with her. When she came home that very day, she saw my brother and I doing the same thing. She was always puzzled why such things would happen even though she really hated them. Well, she might be on to something. That was the Law of Attraction.

When you have either positive thoughts or negative thoughts, the brain waves will transmit them to the other party. When there are enough of them, they will influence the other parties. If you are extremely close to someone, you can know what they are thinking. That’s because they will be sending out some kind of signals, and your brain waves are in sync with each other.

I have mentioned this before, about how I dealt with the difficult clients. I was in the middle of my work when the clerk came running to me, saying one client had come unannounced and he was being very insistent that he had to see me. He claimed that he had been working a few days without much sleep and he had no other time to meet me. This was the same person I spoke to the other time over the phone, and it was not a pleasant experience. So, I decided to use what I preach, and tried to think positive thoughts, that the meeting would go on smoothly. I would get the other party to see my point. I also decided to smile and block out other thoughts that could make the meeting unsuccessful.

To my expectations, the client was not as bad as I thought. I had heard horror stories of how he had lost his temper badly before, but he was alright. We talked, and he was able to open up. In fact, he asked whether I would continue to be on his case next year. I felt bad at saying something that might change, since I was considering a career change, but since nothing was confirmed, I told him that I would continue to be if there were no other changes. It was not a real answer, but he was satisfied. When he left, he even said that I was caring and helpful. Coming from someone who had felt the organisation was against him, the words carried weight.

Unfortunately, when I met with two other clients later, tears became the norm. We were sitting outside at the reception area. I met with the first group of clients there. One of them broke down and cried. She was sitting at this particular seat that was facing the greenery. After the longest time, the two left.

I had two other groups of clients waiting, and they could see what was going on. I made a mistake of getting the next client to sit at the same place, and all the negativity was still in the air. Everything went on smoothly, when suddenly, the lady sitting in the same seat as the former client opened up to me about her personal situation, and started crying. Within half an hour, I had at least two people crying.

I decided that the negativity was enough for the day, and I had to make some switches. The last party who had seen everything was sitting beside us, so I switched over when the lady left, and I changed position. The stuff we had to talk about was similar, as they had their emotional baggage and pain, but at least I tried to inject more positive thinking.

My mother knows something about how thinking affects situations, but she pinned it down to superstition. It is actually more of the Law of Attraction.

Using Positive Vibes To Leave Clients Satisfied

I put in 14 hours for two days running at work, and I was really tired out by the end of it. We had to meet people and relay the performances of their charges to them. Some of them were quite friendly, while others were quite demanding, by saying the fault lay with us when they should be the ones who take responsibilities.

On yesterday’s afternoon, I had to make calls to a few people to check whether they were turning up for the session at night. One of them was rather antagonistic and I started to feel all the negative vibes. I forced myself to keep smiling so that the person would calm down. Towards the end, it ended on an ok note, though he did not turn up at night.

After receiving so much negative vibes, I continued to make another call. This was a mistake I made. By bringing all the negative feelings from the other caller, I had inadvertently caused the next caller to pick up all the negative vibes and it simply triggered off from her an outpouring of frustrations and complaints on our side. She only had a few points to talk about, and each point she repeated at least 10 times using the same phrases. The accusations were mainly directed at other staff, but she still heaped all those things on me. I should have learnt better managing skills in such as telling her that it was not right make such accusations on everyone, or learning the 80/20 rule where the worst customers should be dropped.

What I did was to continue to let her pour out her grievances, and just show her that I was listening. However, I decided I had to take charge of the conversation. I decided to change my negative vibes and try to think positive thoughts that the conversation will end well. I also remembered my friend and ex-colleague telling me that when people complain, they want something to be done. So as the person in authority, we should come up with a plan to help them resolve their issues. I also came up with a strategy for better monitoring and she accepted it.

Finally, after 40 minutes of her mainly making 4 points, I could put the phone down. It was much later my colleague came to me and told me that the same lady had bombarded her for one and half hours on the same issues and she even revealed something more shocking. I totally agree with Jeanette of Good Vibe Blog, that when we persist, they resist. It’s really the Law Of Attraction.

When I checked the list of people I wanted to see, one of my supervisors came to tell me that one particular lady would talk for extremely long and could be quite difficult to handle as she wanted step-by-step explanations on every single thing. Immediately, I channelled the negative thoughts again, and when I asked my colleague who used to handle her, he told me the same thing and how careful I had to be.

I was a little affected by the two negative calls, and what my colleagues told me but I decided not to concentrate on such negativity. I decided to think how easy and quickly the meeting with her and others will go. I started thinking about how smooth the process will be, and how on time we will finish the discussions.

Hence, I used my secret weapon and just smiled and smiled. I also kept those waiting to see us happy by showing pictures of their charges and other activities. The difficult person did not turn up, and the lady I thought would take extremely long was actually quite reasonable and we finished on a good note. I had also brought up something good about her charge and she was so happy about it. So I guess focussing on positive things worked.

My supervisor who said something about “We will Survive” instead of “We will Excel”, our usual slogan, and she really channelled the negative vibes was still talking to clients when I left. The other colleague who told me how to handle that “difficult” client ended up spending more time there than anticipated. And I was actually the first one to leave. When I looked at the other meeting rooms, there were still many clients inside there milling around, and when I finally left my workroom, these people were not back yet. Positive thinking really works!

Mental Association

Mental Association is something that you cannot ignore. I was going through a near meltdown just two days ago, because my holiday from work was ending, and I was going back to work. I had come to associate my work with a lot of negative stress. One reason is that I cannot cope with the amount of work.

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I still had to complete my work and there was no way I could run away from it. I went for a meeting before my break was over, and the bosses stressed how important meeting the deadline was and the quality of the report determined how our performance would be graded. I felt myself squirming in my seat. Another colleague showed us his report for us to take a look, way before the deadline.

Instead of going through the same problem that I face all the time, I decided to change my mental associations. It’s called mental disassociations. Instead of associating writing reports to high stress levels, I changed that. I decided to visualise how easy it was for me to find the information, and how easy it was for me to write a report based on the information. I also decided to break the steps down into easier parts, and get started. Usually, I faced difficulty in starting on my work because I had this mental association of how tough it was to find the information I wanted.

To my surprise, I found the information I wanted quickly. It was the second google attempt, and the first file I clicked on that got me what I wanted. Now that I have shifted my mental association, I am going to find the next piece of information as easily as I did, and I am sure I will complete the work by tonight. After all, I had already visualised myself completing that, and working on something else the next day.

Update: I probably need more practice. I took an extra day to complete that, but throughout doing this, my stress levels were extremely low, and I still managed to meet the deadline.

Find a Parking Lot Easily

Every time my parents ask me where I have parked my car, and I tell them somewhere nearby, they always seem to view me with suspicion, as if I have just told them the largest lie. The next question they ask will always be, “You mean there are parking lots here?”

My parents always seem to have the impression that it is hard to find parking lots, especially at crowded areas. When I used to sit in their cars, I would always feel the frustration they had and they would have to circle round the car park a few times and wait for some time before getting a lot. So whenever I wanted food from a popular hawker centre such as Chomp Chomp, the excuse about how difficult it is to get a parking lot will come.

Yet, when I go there on my own, I will find a parking lot no matter how crowded the place is. That’s because I use the power of visualisation and the Law of Attraction. I will attract that parking lot even in a crowded place. My parents used the same technique, but they had only visualised the crowded area, and felt the frustration in waiting. Hence, they got what they wanted!

Initally, I met with some problems. I would always find another car right in front of me getting the lot that I had visualised. After wondering why it was not working, I realised that I had not been clear about how I had visualised my parking lot. I only visualised an empty parking lot. That visualisation benefited the car owner in front of me. He got the empty lot I envisioned.

So the next time I visualised the empty parking lot, I added something to it. I visualised my own ice metallic blue car reversing into the empty lot. Instead of just any parking lot, I also visualised it to be near the lift lobby, so that I did not have to walk far.

It has been working great for 90% of the time, when I bothered to visualise, especially if I know it is a crowded area. So, I tend to spend less time at the car park, and the other car owners who were also waiting for a lot, but had chosen to wait elsewhere would fume quietly about my “luck”.

Just My Luck

clovercloverI borrowed a DVD today after a gym workout, and it was Just My Luck. It was about Lindsay Lohan having great luck in everything she did. The moment she stepped out of her building lobby, the rain stopped and the cab stopped right for her. She managed to get into an empty lift and get picked up by a rich man’s son. Next, she even got a job promotion after solving a major crisis.

One thing that struck me was that she had so much positivity. The Law of Attraction worked really well for her, so she did not believe that she was lucky. She just got what she wanted because she carried positive thoughts.

Now, the problem came when she kissed a guy who had the worst luck in the world. Their luck switched and she immediately got arrested, lost her job and broke her nose while in detention. He got a chance of his lifetime to get a new British band discovered by a music mogul.

About this guy, despite having bad luck for most part of his life, he did not blame himself. He still looked on the bright side of things, and was well prepared to solve any possible problems, such as keeping a poncho instead of an umbrella because he knew it would become a lightning rod with all the strong wind instead.

Even when Lohan was stuck in a janitor type job and had to scrape bubblegum and unclog the toilets, she learnt from mistakes quickly and did her best in everything.

Of course, this is a show, and anyone who is down on his or her luck will not be able to smile like her. But what was interesting was that when you keep getting something you want, even better things will come. In addition, what can go wrong will go wrong. You choose to keep a virtuous cycle as compared to being stuck in a vicious cycle.

Go As You Are In Five Years Time

Have you ever wondered whether you can be a successful businessman, or a Nobel Prize winner? There is actually a way to help you reach your goal quickly. That is to hold a party where people dress up as what they envision themselves as in five years time.

If I want to be a successful author, what I can do is to design a book cover, with my face on it, of a best selling title and put it over another book, and bring it around. If I want to be a Singapore Olympic swimmer, I could put on my swimming costume and wear my track suit, complete with goggles and swimming cap, and walk around with gold medals hanging from my neck. For those who want to be superstars, they could go and get a makeover, and walk down the red carpet. What the host could do is to hire people to pretend they are reporters, or people from the paparazzi to make the party come alive.

When the guests arrive at the party, they should be in character, and talk to each other like how they would if they are in that position. For example, if I aim to be a successful San Diego plastic surgeon, I would be discussing the latest technology in liposuction or other reconstructive surgery, and gently pointing out how people could improve their looks through removal of eyebags. If I were a successful lawyer, I could give tips to the author on how to protect his copyrights, and get the author to interview the swimmer so that he could write the biography.

It may seem a little ridiculous, but when you are able to visualise yourself as a real person in your dream occupation, and get others to agree, it helps to reframe your mind that it is possible to do so.

Why is a thorny rose bush known as rose bush?

rose garden

In The Next Internet Millionaire episode 5, I was struck by a point that was made. Let me paraphrase it: Why is a bush with so many thorns and just a few roses known as a rose bush and not a thorn bush? I am amazed by this simple question about positive thinking. People should look at the beauty of things and apply that technique to their lives instead of constantly dwelling on the hurt and ugliness of things around us.

There are many events that may make us feel demoralised, but our response to that should be to see the beauty that event brings. There may be new opportunities that spring up when we think something bad has happened. There is a saying that misery loves company, but I think that the opposite is true too. People may bond over setbacks, but after a certain point, it gets too much to bear. Conversely, happy people become happier when they are together and the self-confidence they have will just rub off other people.

We can choose to see what we want: a half-filled glass of water, or a half-empty glass of water. I have never really understood the power of positive thinking, until in recent years when I started to spend more time reading about motivation and positive thinking.